Invisible Mother...

I've been feeling a lot like this lately :

It all began to make sense, the blank stares, the lack of response, the way one of the kids will walk into the room while I'm on the phone and ask to be taken to the store.

Inside I'm thinking, 'Can't you see I'm on the phone?' Obviously not; no one can see if I'm on the phone, or cooking, or sweeping the floor, or even standing on my head in the corner, because no one can see me at all. I'm invisible. The invisible Mom. Some days I am only a pair of hands, nothing more: Can you fix this? Can you tie this? Can you open this?

Some days I'm not a pair of hands; I'm not even a human being. I'm a clock to ask, 'What time is it?' I'm a TV guide to answer, 'What number is the Disney Channel?' I'm a car to order, 'Right around 5:30, please.'

I was certain that these were the hands that once held books and the eyes that studied history and the mind that graduated summa cum laude - but now they had disappeared into the peanut butter, never to be seen again. She's going, she's going, she's gone!


Hoping I can change my attitude to something more like this soon:



One night, a group of us were having dinner, celebrating the return of a friend from England . Janice had just gotten back from a fabulous trip, and she was going on and on about the hotel she stayed in. I was sitting there, looking around at the others all put together so well.

It was hard not to compare and feel sorry for myself. I was feeling pretty pathetic, when Janice turned to me with a beautifully wrapped package, and said, 'I brought you this.' It was a book on the great cathedrals of Europe. I wasn't exactly sure why she'd given it to me until I read her inscription: 'To Charlotte, with admiration for the greatness of what you are building when no one sees.'

In the days ahead I would read - no, devour - the book. And I would discover what would become for me, four life-changing truths, after which I could pattern my work:

1. No one can say who built the great cathedrals - we have no record of their names.

2. These builders gave their whole lives for a work they would never see finished.

3. They made great sacrifices and expected no credit.

4. The passion of their building was fueled by their faith that the eyes of God saw everything.

A legendary story in the book told of a rich man who came to visit the cathedral while it was being built, and he saw a workman carving a tiny bird on the inside of a beam. He was puzzled and asked the man, 'Why are you spending so much time carving that bird into a beam that will be covered by the roof? No one will ever see it.' And the workman replied, 'Because God sees.'

I closed the book, feeling the missing piece fall into place. It was almost as if I heard God whispering to me, 'I see you, Charlotte. I see the sacrifices you make every day, even when no one around you does. No act of kindness you've done, no sequin you've sewn on, no cupcake you've baked, is too small for me to notice and smile over. You are building a great cathedral, but you can't see right now what it will become.'

At times, my invisibility feels like an affliction. But it is not a disease that is erasing my life. It is the cure for the disease of my own self-centeredness. It is the antidote to my strong, stubborn pride. I keep the right perspective when I see myself as a great builder As one of the people who show up at a job that they will never see finished, to work on something that their name will never be on. The writer of the book went so far as to say that no cathedrals could ever be built in our lifetime because there are so few people willing to sacrifice to that degree.

When I really think about it, I don't want my son to tell the friend he's bringing home from college for Thanksgiving, 'My Mom gets up at 4 in the morning and bakes homemade pies, and then she hand bastes a turkey for three hours and presses all the linens for the table.' That would mean I'd built a shrine or a monument to myself. I just want him to want to come home. And then, if there is anything more to say to his friend, to add, 'You're gonna love it there.'

As mothers, we are building great cathedrals. We cannot be seen if we're doing it right. And one day, it is very possible that the world will marvel, not only at what we have built, but at the beauty that has been added to the world by the sacrifices of invisible women. Great Job, MOM!



Will be back soon with about a million pictures I have been saving, with no motivation to blog :(

Photography class (UPDATE)

UPDATE: I was told in my photography class by another student that it is disrespectful to photograph a flag when it is not in full light. I can't find anything to back that up, but if it is I apologize and please know that no disrespect was intended. And if you find something backing that student up, please let me know.




(Handcart photo updated since first posted with bad texture)

I find myself in yet another photography class this semester, and not surprisingly, the only class that helps preserve my sanity. I know some of you don't care, but I also know there are a handful of you out there (5 in particular) who enjoy photography yourself, so I thought I would share some of what I have done for the class. The first picture is of a handcart monument at This is the Place state park. The assignment was to shoot a monument.


This one is a little bizarre and not my favorite. The assignment was mood lighting and framing, and we were shown a couple movies. My inspiration was Nosferatu. (click here to see the trailor). And finally, the flag is my assignment for tomorrow. The assignment has to do with symbolism.

I think I'm spoiled...

Well I know I'm spoiled from Daniel, but I think the church is spoiling us.

We had stake conference last week and had none other than Jon Huntsman Sr. himself. What an incredible and interesting man. I am trying to find time to read his book or a biography of his if there is one, because after the stories he told, I can't help but wonder what else he has been through in his life.

After the evening session of stake conference we were spoiled with a Cafe Rio dinner. Mmmm... this is now the third time that we have had Cafe Rio after stake conference. Which leads to my thinking we are spoiled. We get some pretty neat people serving in our stake: a lawyer, the CEO of ivory homes, a dentist, the CEO of Cafe Rio, Duane Cardall (think KSL news) not to mention his incredible wife, and the list goes on and on.

We had Dallin Oaks show up at our church one Sunday, and James E. Faust came to our stake conference last minute a couple years ago. This living in Salt Lake stuff just keeps getting better.

Did I mention that Gerald N. Lund will be speaking at my Graduation this Spring?

Zoo day

Chase and I went to the zoo a couple days ago with some friends. It was a much needed break from school and was nice to get out into the nice weather we have been having. Chase's favorite was the big cats (tiger, cougar, etc.) He would point at them and jabber everytime he saw one.

Happy Valentines Day! (a few days late)

We had a good valentines day here. We ate lunch at our new fav. restaurant Tucanos and they gave us a rose. My sweetheart already gave me some roses so I gave it to Chase and he couldn't get enough of smelling it.

Then to top the whole day off, Chase got a valentine card in the mail from aunt Debbie. He held onto that thing all day. He was even upset when I took the envelope from him to open it up.

Hope you had a great day too!

Joy of talking

I've been anxiously waiting for Chase to start talking so that I can write down all the funny things he says. When I was growing up, my siblings and I would randomly ask my mom to tell us funny things we said and we loved that she remembered so much.

Chase only has about a 10 word vocabulary but can still crack my up.

For instance:

- He says mmmmm.... whenever he sees something to eat (whether he actually wants to eat it or not). On Sunday, a pregnant lady in our ward was eating some crackers and Chase walks up to her and says mmmmm... When she offered him a cracker he was too scared to take it from her so he just sat where he was and kept saying mmmmm. Finally she got up and started walking towards him holding out the cracker and he ran away as fast as he could.
Also, yesterday I was washing dishes and I heard a random mmmmm. I always feel a little nervous when I hear mmmm and am not expecting it because it means he found something on the floor or some place that he can reach, but when I looked over he was intently watching a pizza hut commercial repeating mmmm.. over and over. Silly kid.

- When he doesn't cooperate with what I want him to do and I let out a loud sigh (sounds a little more like aaaaaahhh under my breath), he growls back (he thinks that I growled at him). It's hard to stay frustrated at that point.

- He knows how to say Uh-oh, and if Daniel or I drop something, he doesn't forget. He will walk past the spot that we dropped something and for the rest of the day say uh-oh when he passes.

- This isn't really him talking, but he started doing this weird thing where he would walk up to Daniel or I and open his mouth as wide as he could. We realized that he was mimiking our yawning when Daniel yawned and Chase did his wide mouth thing.